Stuck in the Frosting

This week has been a little crazy.  I think in all fairness it is safe to say that my life is just crazy and the week reflected it.

I took Friday off work and really gave myself some me time.  Time to plan and get on top of things without any distractions or set backs.  I wish I could say that I secluded myself somewhere beautiful and gave myself time to meditate and feel at peace, but that just did not happen.  I did however have one of the most productive personal days that I have had in a long time. That right now for me was as good as an hour of meditating.

I was feeling confident going in to my weigh in as I know that I have stuck to plan and been really good this last week.  It was heartbreaking to get on the scale and see that it had gone up 1/2 a pound.  I know it isn't that much, but putting forth the effort and not seeing any change is kind of a blow mentally.  I went back and forth with my health coach to brainstorm what I need to do for this upcoming week and felt much better.

This morning I got up to get ready for church and did the unthinkable...I got on that scale again.  Let me just say that I have been really working at only weighing in 1 time each week, but I stepped on, cringing at my decision.  I got really lucky that it was down 2.8 pounds from last Saturday, because really...who needs to see the flux that can take place on a daily basis.  My weigh in going forward though will continue on Sunday so that I can keep to my weekly weigh in goal. Bad me...

I noticed a few awesome things today.  One, since day 3, I have not taken any ibuprofen or Excedrin.   This is pretty crazy!  I mean something is usually bothering me.  Headaches being my number one culprit.  NONE!!  I know that it has only been 2 weeks on plan but for me that was a really amazing realization.    The other thing I noticed...my face!  I can see changes in my face!  I know it's kind of early for that, but I can see a subtle change in the roundness of my face, and hey I look at that mug more than once a day, so that kind of makes me the expert on it!

 

Few Sprinkles off the Top

So Saturday marked the end of week one.  I wanted to get on the scale and yet had this inner fear to do so.  I reasoned that I had stuck to my diet and did the things I was supposed to do, so it should be ok.  But I feared the disappointment of not seeing any change or (gasp) an increase.  To my relief when I looked down at my feet the scale showed a 6.7 pound weight loss!  Elation!!  

I had to look inside a bit following the weigh in to figure out why I was so worried.  And this is what I concluded.  Diets are not guarantees.  They are tools to get us where we want to be.  There is no magic solution to losing weight other than consistency and work.  But this week did not feel like work at all.  I was surprised to see how much energy I had this week too.  That doesn't happen on a diet!  No sugar, very little caffeine, I mean how is that possible?  

So yay, I am down weight wise and I am feeling great.  I found the key...until this weekend.  This weekend proved to really be tough for me.  

Never would I have described myself as an emotional eater.  I think that unfairly my mind is drawn to a poor unfortunate soul who is depressed and locked away in their house when I think of emotional eating, but I totally proved myself wrong!  

As everyone does, I have been going through a lot of emotional trials and difficult situations and this weekend they all just seemed to land square in my lap.  A donut...oh my word, I wanted a donut SO BAD, and french fries, oh and Doritos too.  I really was so happy that my house was free of all of those items.  BUT I did have to do my grocery shopping which brought me within a couple bucks to all those items.  I sat in my car before going into the store and went over my WHY.  Why am I doing this, why is it important and why do I want to be back to square one.  I can say I was a perfect angel shopping.  I didn't even buy the yummy stuff for my kids.  haha Angel I tell you!  I bought the largest water that I could and drank it while I shopped.  But it was a huge eye opener!  How many times had I done this without even questioning?  And honestly I think that all those problems on my lap would have weighed more if a donut was on top. 

I am relieved to have survived the weekend!  I guess what I want to leave with is this, no matter how difficult the moment was, it passed!  And the joy that I have inside for having averted diet disaster is real.  Find your WHY.  Make it real and worth fighting for!  And for goodness sake, trust in yourself, know that if you put in the effort, good things will come from it.  

Day One!

I got home from work yesterday and there sitting on my dinning room table was my box!  The box full of hopes and dreams.  To say I was excited just does not sum up my feelings.  I opened it to find all of my perfectly selected options and then I went and made a shelf clear in the pantry for it all and got it in there.  I went online and started watching the before and after videos of people who did Take Shape for Life and found myself realistically thinking, "How much can I lose and how long is it going to take me."

I still don't know that answer yet, but I decided to set the goal for 40 pounds by my birthday on April 22nd.  It may be a stretch, but I totally think I can do it!

This morning I got up and watched a great webcast by Take Shape for Life.  It was full of great information and motivation and I got to thinking of a lot of the people in my life that this would bless so much.  It made my goal even more concrete.  My actions and results will speak louder than a bottle of pills at the store, and I really want to show people that anyone can do this!

I have stayed on program today, which has not been hard at all to do!  I drank a vanilla shake this morning, which was good.  I am thinking that I might want to get some sugar free flavor syrups to add to the shakes so that I can give myself more variety moving forward.  (I did that last time and loved how many options I could come up with.)  I also ate a chili a chocolate shake and the Peanut butter chocolate chip chewy bar.  YUMMO!!  I am finding that I have not been craving anything today!  I will admit that my water intake has increased though.  I started that this week without the diet just to get on track and have been averaging about 100 ounces of water a day.  I know GAG right??  haha, but it hasn't been too bad now that I am past the first few days of that.  I still have my regular "lean and green" meal tonight and another supplement to go and I honestly am feeling full, so it almost feels like effort eating.

I took some lovely before pictures that are NOT going into this blog until I am a safe distance from looking that way.  OH MY WORD...just saying, not much of a self esteem booster there.  But I did it because I know I will want to see the difference as I move along.  I watched a video of someone that took a picture every week of her journey and I really liked that idea and think I am going to give it a try.

I am off to enjoy my lean and green which tonight happens to be grilled chicken and green beans. Until next week.

And action...

So I went online yesterday and made my first order through Take Shape for Life.   My program should arrive by this upcoming Friday which is really exciting!  It has literally been years since I have even tried the supplements/meals that I am getting so I am really hoping that they are as yummy as they used to be!

Both yesterday and today I have been fighting a migraine, so it has given me a lot of time to sit and think...dream even.  I was thinking of what it would feel and be like 90 pounds lighter.  Would I look good, or skeletal?  I am leaning on the good side naturally.  ;)

I thought of my activity level and all the things I avoid because of this 90 pounds.  I blame my knees for not running, my boobs for not jumping and my overall body for not swimming.  But would I have those same limitations even 40 pounds lighter??

I am not currently facing medical issues like diabetes or anything, but I was also thinking of how much healthier I would feel with that weight gone as well.

I have several WHYs for doing this right now.  My confidence and self esteem is a big one.  I am a type A personality and have no problems leading and feeling confident in a business situation. But on a personal level there are more days and minutes than not that I feel lacking and insufficient.  I want to be in the pictures with friends and family, and then when I see them I wince and wonder, "Do I really want to be in that picture? Can we crop me out?"  When I get dressed up to go out and I realize that my options are limited because of fit...ugg, confidence killer.

I got to thinking if I feel this way inside and can still run around and smile and convince the world that I am happy with me, how many others are doing the same thing.  How many others are crying inside, struggling to feel beautiful, important, and of worth.  I am not saying in any way that I think losing weight solves the worlds confidence issues, but I think it helps us individually see that we can accomplish anything.  That we have the inward drive and ability to adjust our lives and make the changes that the world deems as fruitless.  I want to do this so that others want to do this.  I want to do this so that I can have the internal strength to share my success and help someone else feel better in their own life, on a personal level.

I am not embarrassed to admit that I am a dreamer.  I love thinking of the what ifs.  But more than dreaming...I love to plan!!  More than planning, I love to achieve!  I probably seem foolish to a lot of people right now, and I am ok with that, only because I know that 1 month from now, I am not going to look as foolish.