What a week! I knew coming into today that getting on the scale was going to be one of my highlights. The diet is about the only thing I have control over right now in life. Everything else just seems a little shaky.
As of this morning I am down 18 pounds!! Totally an exciting thing for me. I kind of thought that by the time I got to the 20 pound mark, I would be feeling so much smaller and better about my body. But the truth is, I really hardly notice. I can see a change in the way my clothes fit, but when I look in the mirror, I wonder if I really did lose anything, In the past I have watched those weight loss shows where the lady loses 100 pounds and then still feels fat as she puts on her size 5 jeans. I have even gone so far as to...(shock) judge her. How in the world do these women NOT feel small when they are??
I think that a lot of what we perceive in the mirror is less about the reflection that's there and more about how we feel about ourselves. I think that no matter how small we get, if we don't like who we are, then the reflection that we see is never going to look beautiful. So it really makes me wonder...do I like who I am looking at? I know I like certain qualities that I possess, and I am so grateful for the abilities that I have, but is that who I am? Then taking it one step further...what do I need to do in life for me to get to the point that I see beauty no matter what size I am? Who do I need to be for myself?
I am finding that this weight journey is turning more into a journey to find who I am and what I need to do in life to find joy. Nothing is superficial and external. All of it needs to be from within.
I will be 40 in 9 weeks. It seems sad that none of this has really hit home for me in my life until now! I guess I am just grateful that I am not 50 in 9 weeks, or 60. And I guess if I were, then I would be grateful I learned this lesson in this lifetime. ;)
My life over the next 2 weeks will be an emotional roller coaster. I know that it might take a good year or more to discover who I need to be for myself, and I know that if I don't work on it now, nothing I do externally will give me what I am looking for. It is a two part process, a burn down of the internal negativity to build up the beautiful from the inside, so that the external work will compliment that. I have to admit, that sounds way harder to me than simply losing weight, but that is the journey I am choosing to take. Time to feel the burn.
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Lumps in the Frosting
I missed writing last week! And I was reminded of that several times this week. It kind of amazes me that people are actually reading this stuff!
This week was just one of those surreal wonders. You know the ones I'm referring to? Crazy, fast, emotional, frustrating and at the end of which we turn around and think, did all of that really just happen? It's bad when this is in one area of your life, but when it is in several, it can be really overwhelming. That is where I end this week.
To compensate for the craziness of life, I really threw myself into staying as busy as possible. My theory was that two minute pity parties would not be able to happen if I could not find two minutes to have them in. But in doing so, I really lost track of time and noticed that I was missing meals, and staying so busy that I was not taking time to plan the way I needed to. Today when I weighed in, that showed. My weight was down, which I am happy about, but not as far as I had anticipated. I really took a look at where I faltered and what I can do better for this upcoming week and then I LET IT GO!
As a mom, wife, woman in general, I think that I put so much expectations on myself, for doing everything and being everything, And then I wonder why I become so sullen when small things don't go as planned. I put so much pride in my work, in my family, in my activities and I think that when things don't work, that pride bites me in the behind.
So today, we threw the basics in the car and drove to the coast. It was GORGEOUS and the best therapy I could have received. As I laid on the beach blanket (in the sunshine) while my family walked down to the ice water (haha), it gave me some time to really reflect. I was thinking visually of a track with my least favorite thing, hurdles. My normal strategy would be to look at those and put in my head how challenging they are going to be and what I am going to need to do, to get over them. Then I would think about my stride, how to approach, blah blah blah. It would go on and on! Nothing however really would get me to getting over the hurdles, except just running towards them and jumping. And then I thought about when I biff it on a hurdle and the fear and dread set in of having everyone see that failure and wonder what I could have or should have done differently. It occurred to me though, mid thought, that this was my race, my hurdles and that the only one really invited to help me get over those hurdles was God. Then another thought came to mind. All He wants is for me to get up and keep jumping over the hurdles. Even if I trip over them, all I need to do is just get up and keep moving forward. The others who choose to watch are probably doing so not to criticize my approach and execution, but to try to rally me to keep running my race.
Do I trip...Anyone and everyone that knows me will attest that YES I DO!! Do you? My guess is yes. My take away this week is that we need to just keep running. Don't slow down to over analyze or avoid the inevitable, just keep moving forward. Don't let your pride put you in fear of failing. See your rally team for who they are! And if your rally team is lacking, focus on the one true invitee to the race.
This week was just one of those surreal wonders. You know the ones I'm referring to? Crazy, fast, emotional, frustrating and at the end of which we turn around and think, did all of that really just happen? It's bad when this is in one area of your life, but when it is in several, it can be really overwhelming. That is where I end this week.
To compensate for the craziness of life, I really threw myself into staying as busy as possible. My theory was that two minute pity parties would not be able to happen if I could not find two minutes to have them in. But in doing so, I really lost track of time and noticed that I was missing meals, and staying so busy that I was not taking time to plan the way I needed to. Today when I weighed in, that showed. My weight was down, which I am happy about, but not as far as I had anticipated. I really took a look at where I faltered and what I can do better for this upcoming week and then I LET IT GO!
As a mom, wife, woman in general, I think that I put so much expectations on myself, for doing everything and being everything, And then I wonder why I become so sullen when small things don't go as planned. I put so much pride in my work, in my family, in my activities and I think that when things don't work, that pride bites me in the behind.
So today, we threw the basics in the car and drove to the coast. It was GORGEOUS and the best therapy I could have received. As I laid on the beach blanket (in the sunshine) while my family walked down to the ice water (haha), it gave me some time to really reflect. I was thinking visually of a track with my least favorite thing, hurdles. My normal strategy would be to look at those and put in my head how challenging they are going to be and what I am going to need to do, to get over them. Then I would think about my stride, how to approach, blah blah blah. It would go on and on! Nothing however really would get me to getting over the hurdles, except just running towards them and jumping. And then I thought about when I biff it on a hurdle and the fear and dread set in of having everyone see that failure and wonder what I could have or should have done differently. It occurred to me though, mid thought, that this was my race, my hurdles and that the only one really invited to help me get over those hurdles was God. Then another thought came to mind. All He wants is for me to get up and keep jumping over the hurdles. Even if I trip over them, all I need to do is just get up and keep moving forward. The others who choose to watch are probably doing so not to criticize my approach and execution, but to try to rally me to keep running my race.
Do I trip...Anyone and everyone that knows me will attest that YES I DO!! Do you? My guess is yes. My take away this week is that we need to just keep running. Don't slow down to over analyze or avoid the inevitable, just keep moving forward. Don't let your pride put you in fear of failing. See your rally team for who they are! And if your rally team is lacking, focus on the one true invitee to the race.
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Stuck in the Frosting
This week has been a little crazy. I think in all fairness it is safe to say that my life is just crazy and the week reflected it.
I took Friday off work and really gave myself some me time. Time to plan and get on top of things without any distractions or set backs. I wish I could say that I secluded myself somewhere beautiful and gave myself time to meditate and feel at peace, but that just did not happen. I did however have one of the most productive personal days that I have had in a long time. That right now for me was as good as an hour of meditating.
I was feeling confident going in to my weigh in as I know that I have stuck to plan and been really good this last week. It was heartbreaking to get on the scale and see that it had gone up 1/2 a pound. I know it isn't that much, but putting forth the effort and not seeing any change is kind of a blow mentally. I went back and forth with my health coach to brainstorm what I need to do for this upcoming week and felt much better.
This morning I got up to get ready for church and did the unthinkable...I got on that scale again. Let me just say that I have been really working at only weighing in 1 time each week, but I stepped on, cringing at my decision. I got really lucky that it was down 2.8 pounds from last Saturday, because really...who needs to see the flux that can take place on a daily basis. My weigh in going forward though will continue on Sunday so that I can keep to my weekly weigh in goal. Bad me...
I noticed a few awesome things today. One, since day 3, I have not taken any ibuprofen or Excedrin. This is pretty crazy! I mean something is usually bothering me. Headaches being my number one culprit. NONE!! I know that it has only been 2 weeks on plan but for me that was a really amazing realization. The other thing I noticed...my face! I can see changes in my face! I know it's kind of early for that, but I can see a subtle change in the roundness of my face, and hey I look at that mug more than once a day, so that kind of makes me the expert on it!
I took Friday off work and really gave myself some me time. Time to plan and get on top of things without any distractions or set backs. I wish I could say that I secluded myself somewhere beautiful and gave myself time to meditate and feel at peace, but that just did not happen. I did however have one of the most productive personal days that I have had in a long time. That right now for me was as good as an hour of meditating.
I was feeling confident going in to my weigh in as I know that I have stuck to plan and been really good this last week. It was heartbreaking to get on the scale and see that it had gone up 1/2 a pound. I know it isn't that much, but putting forth the effort and not seeing any change is kind of a blow mentally. I went back and forth with my health coach to brainstorm what I need to do for this upcoming week and felt much better.
This morning I got up to get ready for church and did the unthinkable...I got on that scale again. Let me just say that I have been really working at only weighing in 1 time each week, but I stepped on, cringing at my decision. I got really lucky that it was down 2.8 pounds from last Saturday, because really...who needs to see the flux that can take place on a daily basis. My weigh in going forward though will continue on Sunday so that I can keep to my weekly weigh in goal. Bad me...
I noticed a few awesome things today. One, since day 3, I have not taken any ibuprofen or Excedrin. This is pretty crazy! I mean something is usually bothering me. Headaches being my number one culprit. NONE!! I know that it has only been 2 weeks on plan but for me that was a really amazing realization. The other thing I noticed...my face! I can see changes in my face! I know it's kind of early for that, but I can see a subtle change in the roundness of my face, and hey I look at that mug more than once a day, so that kind of makes me the expert on it!
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Few Sprinkles off the Top
So Saturday marked the end of week one. I wanted to get on the scale and yet had this inner fear to do so. I reasoned that I had stuck to my diet and did the things I was supposed to do, so it should be ok. But I feared the disappointment of not seeing any change or (gasp) an increase. To my relief when I looked down at my feet the scale showed a 6.7 pound weight loss! Elation!!
I had to look inside a bit following the weigh in to figure out why I was so worried. And this is what I concluded. Diets are not guarantees. They are tools to get us where we want to be. There is no magic solution to losing weight other than consistency and work. But this week did not feel like work at all. I was surprised to see how much energy I had this week too. That doesn't happen on a diet! No sugar, very little caffeine, I mean how is that possible?
So yay, I am down weight wise and I am feeling great. I found the key...until this weekend. This weekend proved to really be tough for me.
Never would I have described myself as an emotional eater. I think that unfairly my mind is drawn to a poor unfortunate soul who is depressed and locked away in their house when I think of emotional eating, but I totally proved myself wrong!
As everyone does, I have been going through a lot of emotional trials and difficult situations and this weekend they all just seemed to land square in my lap. A donut...oh my word, I wanted a donut SO BAD, and french fries, oh and Doritos too. I really was so happy that my house was free of all of those items. BUT I did have to do my grocery shopping which brought me within a couple bucks to all those items. I sat in my car before going into the store and went over my WHY. Why am I doing this, why is it important and why do I want to be back to square one. I can say I was a perfect angel shopping. I didn't even buy the yummy stuff for my kids. haha Angel I tell you! I bought the largest water that I could and drank it while I shopped. But it was a huge eye opener! How many times had I done this without even questioning? And honestly I think that all those problems on my lap would have weighed more if a donut was on top.
I am relieved to have survived the weekend! I guess what I want to leave with is this, no matter how difficult the moment was, it passed! And the joy that I have inside for having averted diet disaster is real. Find your WHY. Make it real and worth fighting for! And for goodness sake, trust in yourself, know that if you put in the effort, good things will come from it.
Saturday, January 9, 2016
Day One!
I got home from work yesterday and there sitting on my dinning room table was my box! The box full of hopes and dreams. To say I was excited just does not sum up my feelings. I opened it to find all of my perfectly selected options and then I went and made a shelf clear in the pantry for it all and got it in there. I went online and started watching the before and after videos of people who did Take Shape for Life and found myself realistically thinking, "How much can I lose and how long is it going to take me."
I still don't know that answer yet, but I decided to set the goal for 40 pounds by my birthday on April 22nd. It may be a stretch, but I totally think I can do it!
This morning I got up and watched a great webcast by Take Shape for Life. It was full of great information and motivation and I got to thinking of a lot of the people in my life that this would bless so much. It made my goal even more concrete. My actions and results will speak louder than a bottle of pills at the store, and I really want to show people that anyone can do this!
I have stayed on program today, which has not been hard at all to do! I drank a vanilla shake this morning, which was good. I am thinking that I might want to get some sugar free flavor syrups to add to the shakes so that I can give myself more variety moving forward. (I did that last time and loved how many options I could come up with.) I also ate a chili a chocolate shake and the Peanut butter chocolate chip chewy bar. YUMMO!! I am finding that I have not been craving anything today! I will admit that my water intake has increased though. I started that this week without the diet just to get on track and have been averaging about 100 ounces of water a day. I know GAG right?? haha, but it hasn't been too bad now that I am past the first few days of that. I still have my regular "lean and green" meal tonight and another supplement to go and I honestly am feeling full, so it almost feels like effort eating.
I took some lovely before pictures that are NOT going into this blog until I am a safe distance from looking that way. OH MY WORD...just saying, not much of a self esteem booster there. But I did it because I know I will want to see the difference as I move along. I watched a video of someone that took a picture every week of her journey and I really liked that idea and think I am going to give it a try.
I am off to enjoy my lean and green which tonight happens to be grilled chicken and green beans. Until next week.
I still don't know that answer yet, but I decided to set the goal for 40 pounds by my birthday on April 22nd. It may be a stretch, but I totally think I can do it!
This morning I got up and watched a great webcast by Take Shape for Life. It was full of great information and motivation and I got to thinking of a lot of the people in my life that this would bless so much. It made my goal even more concrete. My actions and results will speak louder than a bottle of pills at the store, and I really want to show people that anyone can do this!
I have stayed on program today, which has not been hard at all to do! I drank a vanilla shake this morning, which was good. I am thinking that I might want to get some sugar free flavor syrups to add to the shakes so that I can give myself more variety moving forward. (I did that last time and loved how many options I could come up with.) I also ate a chili a chocolate shake and the Peanut butter chocolate chip chewy bar. YUMMO!! I am finding that I have not been craving anything today! I will admit that my water intake has increased though. I started that this week without the diet just to get on track and have been averaging about 100 ounces of water a day. I know GAG right?? haha, but it hasn't been too bad now that I am past the first few days of that. I still have my regular "lean and green" meal tonight and another supplement to go and I honestly am feeling full, so it almost feels like effort eating.
I took some lovely before pictures that are NOT going into this blog until I am a safe distance from looking that way. OH MY WORD...just saying, not much of a self esteem booster there. But I did it because I know I will want to see the difference as I move along. I watched a video of someone that took a picture every week of her journey and I really liked that idea and think I am going to give it a try.
I am off to enjoy my lean and green which tonight happens to be grilled chicken and green beans. Until next week.
Sunday, January 3, 2016
And action...
So I went online yesterday and made my first order through Take Shape for Life. My program should arrive by this upcoming Friday which is really exciting! It has literally been years since I have even tried the supplements/meals that I am getting so I am really hoping that they are as yummy as they used to be!
Both yesterday and today I have been fighting a migraine, so it has given me a lot of time to sit and think...dream even. I was thinking of what it would feel and be like 90 pounds lighter. Would I look good, or skeletal? I am leaning on the good side naturally. ;)
I thought of my activity level and all the things I avoid because of this 90 pounds. I blame my knees for not running, my boobs for not jumping and my overall body for not swimming. But would I have those same limitations even 40 pounds lighter??
I am not currently facing medical issues like diabetes or anything, but I was also thinking of how much healthier I would feel with that weight gone as well.
I have several WHYs for doing this right now. My confidence and self esteem is a big one. I am a type A personality and have no problems leading and feeling confident in a business situation. But on a personal level there are more days and minutes than not that I feel lacking and insufficient. I want to be in the pictures with friends and family, and then when I see them I wince and wonder, "Do I really want to be in that picture? Can we crop me out?" When I get dressed up to go out and I realize that my options are limited because of fit...ugg, confidence killer.
I got to thinking if I feel this way inside and can still run around and smile and convince the world that I am happy with me, how many others are doing the same thing. How many others are crying inside, struggling to feel beautiful, important, and of worth. I am not saying in any way that I think losing weight solves the worlds confidence issues, but I think it helps us individually see that we can accomplish anything. That we have the inward drive and ability to adjust our lives and make the changes that the world deems as fruitless. I want to do this so that others want to do this. I want to do this so that I can have the internal strength to share my success and help someone else feel better in their own life, on a personal level.
I am not embarrassed to admit that I am a dreamer. I love thinking of the what ifs. But more than dreaming...I love to plan!! More than planning, I love to achieve! I probably seem foolish to a lot of people right now, and I am ok with that, only because I know that 1 month from now, I am not going to look as foolish.
Both yesterday and today I have been fighting a migraine, so it has given me a lot of time to sit and think...dream even. I was thinking of what it would feel and be like 90 pounds lighter. Would I look good, or skeletal? I am leaning on the good side naturally. ;)
I thought of my activity level and all the things I avoid because of this 90 pounds. I blame my knees for not running, my boobs for not jumping and my overall body for not swimming. But would I have those same limitations even 40 pounds lighter??
I am not currently facing medical issues like diabetes or anything, but I was also thinking of how much healthier I would feel with that weight gone as well.
I have several WHYs for doing this right now. My confidence and self esteem is a big one. I am a type A personality and have no problems leading and feeling confident in a business situation. But on a personal level there are more days and minutes than not that I feel lacking and insufficient. I want to be in the pictures with friends and family, and then when I see them I wince and wonder, "Do I really want to be in that picture? Can we crop me out?" When I get dressed up to go out and I realize that my options are limited because of fit...ugg, confidence killer.
I got to thinking if I feel this way inside and can still run around and smile and convince the world that I am happy with me, how many others are doing the same thing. How many others are crying inside, struggling to feel beautiful, important, and of worth. I am not saying in any way that I think losing weight solves the worlds confidence issues, but I think it helps us individually see that we can accomplish anything. That we have the inward drive and ability to adjust our lives and make the changes that the world deems as fruitless. I want to do this so that others want to do this. I want to do this so that I can have the internal strength to share my success and help someone else feel better in their own life, on a personal level.
I am not embarrassed to admit that I am a dreamer. I love thinking of the what ifs. But more than dreaming...I love to plan!! More than planning, I love to achieve! I probably seem foolish to a lot of people right now, and I am ok with that, only because I know that 1 month from now, I am not going to look as foolish.
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Countdown to resolutions...
Countdown to 2016 has begun and with that so have my preparations for my muffin top transformation.
Back in 2001(?) I did the take shape for life program and saw amazing results. In fact I even got to stand in a bikini on one of their fliers. Foolishly after 7 weeks and 38 pounds I stopped the program sure that I would be able to lose the rest of my weight on my own. I maintained my weight for about 9 months and then fell back into my old eating patterns and poor choices. Within 18 months I was back to my original weight.
I have tried many other diets over the years, South Beach, Weight Watchers, Mediterranean. All of them work well but require so much time and planning that I did great at them and then slowly fell off track as I just did not want to plan my day around food.
I am a medical assistant in a busy rheumatology office and I work 40 hours a week. I also have one daughter in college and two other teenage daughters still living at home. To say my life is busy is an understatement. Everyday at work I see patient's come in with arthritis and joint pain. Many of them are overweight and barely able to function because their joints are under so much stress from the excess weight. It is a big eye opener.
I started looking at the Take Shape for Life program again last January 2015. I know that the program works and was excited to hear that they focus on optimal health before, during and after the weight loss. I was also excited to see so many that I did the program with originally still with the company, maintained at their ideal weight and enjoying life. I did not know if I could make the commitment to begin and over this last year I have started walking and making lots of healthy dietary changes, but still as I sit here today, I can honestly say that I am no different weight wise for all of my efforts.
So I made the call, and I am getting started once again on Take Shape for Life in January. I plan to chronicle my journey here So that I stay accountable and hopefully encourage any of you out there struggling with this issue as well.
If you want to join me, let me know! This journey would be all that much more gratifying if others are also losing weight and feeling better.
Back in 2001(?) I did the take shape for life program and saw amazing results. In fact I even got to stand in a bikini on one of their fliers. Foolishly after 7 weeks and 38 pounds I stopped the program sure that I would be able to lose the rest of my weight on my own. I maintained my weight for about 9 months and then fell back into my old eating patterns and poor choices. Within 18 months I was back to my original weight.
I have tried many other diets over the years, South Beach, Weight Watchers, Mediterranean. All of them work well but require so much time and planning that I did great at them and then slowly fell off track as I just did not want to plan my day around food.
I am a medical assistant in a busy rheumatology office and I work 40 hours a week. I also have one daughter in college and two other teenage daughters still living at home. To say my life is busy is an understatement. Everyday at work I see patient's come in with arthritis and joint pain. Many of them are overweight and barely able to function because their joints are under so much stress from the excess weight. It is a big eye opener.
I started looking at the Take Shape for Life program again last January 2015. I know that the program works and was excited to hear that they focus on optimal health before, during and after the weight loss. I was also excited to see so many that I did the program with originally still with the company, maintained at their ideal weight and enjoying life. I did not know if I could make the commitment to begin and over this last year I have started walking and making lots of healthy dietary changes, but still as I sit here today, I can honestly say that I am no different weight wise for all of my efforts.
So I made the call, and I am getting started once again on Take Shape for Life in January. I plan to chronicle my journey here So that I stay accountable and hopefully encourage any of you out there struggling with this issue as well.
If you want to join me, let me know! This journey would be all that much more gratifying if others are also losing weight and feeling better.
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